Article by Ken Dyers



Please note: In this excerpt from a 2005 lecture, Ken talks and demonstrates how the energy we use rather than the words, determines the quality of a communication. As a result, this transcript could be difficult to fully understand without the context of the video where you can clearly see the energy Ken uses to accompany his words. We therefore suggest you watch the video if you can. For those who cannot view the video, we have transcribed what Ken says and added a brief description of his actions where needed, in brackets.

The energy of communication

"If you go looking for love, you're not going to get anywhere. Because you can only have what you create. So you've got to create some love before you get some back. You've got to be able to create friendship before a person will be your friend. So you've got to have the right significance on your energies.

I could go up to somebody and say the right words but I might be using the wrong energy. So energy is a big factor in it.

(Ken approaches an audience member) I could come up to you mate and I could say (Ken demonstrates an unfriendly energy as he says this) "Would you like to be my friend?" It's an offer you could refuse. The words are ok but the energy is lousy. It's not matching the words. If I came up to the same guy and I said, (This time Ken demonstrates a different energy - he is open and vulnerable) "G'day mate, my name's Ken. What's yours? Craig?" Now that's the right energy.

If I look at a woman and I say, I'm putting a picture on her that she's a 'female'. Now, she's not a 'female' she's a person with a female body. So it's a bit insulting to her if I'm just looking at her as a female and I look at her and I say (Here, Ken demonstrates an energy with a significance) "Uhh.. G'day love..."

But she's not a body. She's a person. So if I look at her again - the same person, as a person - and I'm looking at her - is that more contact? Yes. So you can respond as a person, but as a body I'll get a conditioned response. You'll behave like you're expected to behave. I look at you like you're a female body and you'll behave like a female body is expected to behave. True or not? Which is a bit of a put down to the person. And it's not going to guarantee you very good relationships with a person at all.

Because you can't take anything and you can't con anything that's worthwhile. What we get from people is gifts. So we expect nothing for what we're giving. You give something, you don't expect anything back. So everything you get back from people is a gift.

Can you give people things when they expect it? You like to give it as a gift, is that right? A smile... whatever... anything at all. It's got to be a gift. Are you with me on this? It's common sense, isn't it?

So it's more valuable to be interested in what effects you can create on another person to increase their consciousness of the child in themselves. Now when I spoke to Craig a second time, I just got the child back there, when he said "Oh, I'm Craig." That's the child in Craig. I spoke to him and let my child come and talk to yours. Does that make sense? It's a common denominator.

A common denominator wouldn't be: (Here, Ken demonstrates an insensitive and coarse energy to approach a gentleman in the audience) "G'day sport. What's your name? Hey?! Nick?! What?!" (The gentleman responds "Nicholas is my full name, Nick is the name that I'm called...") (Ken demonstrates a dismissive energy) "Oh I see. Right..."

It's really not going to get you friendship is it? I mean, I'm exaggerating it. But you can do it in a more subtle way.

You could say (Ken approaches another man in audience, demonstrating a condescending energy) "What's your name? Andrew? Gee... Ok..." It's still a put-down whether you do it one way or the other. It's the wrong energy isn't it? It's not going to encourage a co- creation of a relationship. Does that make sense? It's going to be destructive to a flow - a decent flow between people.

So if it's with a man, I don't look at a man any different than I look at a woman. They're a person. (Ken addresses another gentleman) When I look at you, you've got a male body: That's obvious, you know... (I hope so! I haven't had a close examination... But you've got a beard!) But if I look at you as a person, I get an entirely different communication. Make sense? If I look at you as a person.

If you're defensive, because you've been hurt a little bit - (Ken addresses a lady in audience)... You have, haven't you? (She replies "Yes.") Yeah. And so you're defensive...and I see that straight away.

Why do I know that immediately I look at a person? Because they tell me straight away, all about themselves. But the only part about you that tells me is the child in you. And it will only tell the child in me. Make sense? If my child is not here, you won't tell me.

We've never met before have we? No. But the pain is just there.

If you're willing to experience another person's pain, they'll give you their joy. But not unless you're willing to experience their pain."

Ken Dyers 2005

From everyone at Kenja Communication Australia, we thank you for your ongoing support throughout 2008 and wish you all the very best for the season, and a happy, safe and joyful 2009.

We look forward to bringing you more of Ken's fantastic communication throughout next year and beyond.

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